My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
