Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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