I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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