Will you blow on my dice?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
