well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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