It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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