we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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