im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
