Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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