i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
