Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
