so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
