Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
