too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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