how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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