We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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