You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
