You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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