i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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