I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
