why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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