Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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