He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
