he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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