I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
