she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
