I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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