Moan for me like Helen Keller
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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