Banned from zoo.
Again?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
