I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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