Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
