I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
