i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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