I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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