so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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