Christians are straight up FREAKS
She is in my trunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
