i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
