just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
