I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
