I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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