Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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