if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
