Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
