I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
