I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
