found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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