did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
