"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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