I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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