what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
