i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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