Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
