just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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