Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
