Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
