i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
