My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
