so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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