i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
