I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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