see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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