There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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