Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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