we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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