I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
