she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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