he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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