I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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